How to Politely Decline a Referral Request (Without Burning Bridges)

Saying yes to every referral request will destroy your reputation faster than saying no.

Someone asks if you know anyone who needs their service. You don’t, but you feel awkward saying no. So you give them a name. The person you referred has a bad experience. Now your name is attached to that failure.

Or worse: Someone asks you to refer them, and you know they’re not very good at what they do. You say yes anyway because you don’t want to be rude. Your client has a terrible experience and wonders why you recommended someone so mediocre.

Your referrals reflect on you. Every single one. When you refer someone, you’re lending them your reputation. If they disappoint, that disappointment splashes back on you.

This is why learning to say no is one of the most important referral skills you can develop.

When You Need to Say No

Sometimes declining is the right choice. Here are legitimate reasons to say no to a referral request:

You don’t know them well enough. They seem nice at networking events, but you’ve never seen their work. You can’t vouch for someone you don’t actually know.

You’ve seen their work and it wasn’t great. Maybe you hired them once and weren’t impressed. You’re not going to recommend that experience to someone else.

You have a competing relationship. You already refer business to someone else in that category. Splitting your referrals dilutes both relationships.

They’re asking for a referral to someone you don’t trust. They want an introduction to a contact of yours, but something feels off about the request.

You simply don’t have anyone to refer. The most common situation. You don’t have clients or contacts who need what they’re selling right now.

All of these are valid reasons to decline. The challenge is doing it gracefully.

“Your reputation is built on who you refer. Protecting it isn’t rude - it’s professional.”

The Cost of Saying Yes When You Should Say No

Let’s be clear about what happens when you give referrals you shouldn’t:

Bad referrals damage your reputation. People remember who recommended the person who let them down.

Weak referrals go nowhere. If you don’t truly believe in someone, your referral will be lukewarm, and the prospect can feel that.

Over-referring dilutes your value. If you refer everyone you meet, your referrals stop meaning anything.

You damage the relationship you’re trying to help. A bad referral hurts the person you’re referring too - they wasted time on a prospect who wasn’t right.

The people who get the most referrals are selective about who they refer. Their recommendations carry weight because they don’t recommend just anyone.

David Park

Insurance Agent

Park Insurance Group

Langley, BC

Fictional character for illustrative purposes

“Early in my career, I referred a mortgage broker I barely knew to a high-net-worth client,” David recalls. “The broker dropped the ball on the closing timeline, and the client almost lost the property. My client never said it directly, but I could feel the trust erode. It took two years to rebuild that relationship. Now I have a strict rule: I only refer people I’ve actually worked with or whose work I’ve seen firsthand.”

Five Ways to Decline Gracefully

Here are scripts that work in different situations:

1. The Honest “Not Right Now”

Use when: You genuinely don’t have anyone who needs their services.

Script: “I don’t have anyone who fits right now, but I’ll definitely keep you in mind if that changes.”

This is the easiest decline because it’s usually true. You simply don’t have clients who need a divorce lawyer or a commercial printer or whatever they’re offering. No offense taken.

2. The Thoughtful Pause

Use when: You need time to actually think about it, or you want to decline without being immediate.

Script: “Let me think about who might be a good fit. Can I get back to you?”

Then actually think about it. Sometimes you’ll realize you do know someone. Sometimes you’ll realize you don’t, and you can follow up with a quick “I thought about it and I don’t have anyone right now, but I’ll keep my ears open.”

3. The Redirect

Use when: You’re not the right person to ask, but you know who might be.

Script: “I’m not the right person for this - I don’t have many contacts in that industry. But you might want to talk to [name], they’re much better connected in that space.”

You’re not saying no to them. You’re saying no to the specific request while still being helpful.

“A graceful ’no’ protects both your reputation and the relationship. A weak ‘yes’ damages both.”

4. The Clear Boundary

Use when: You have a policy about referrals that applies here.

Script: “I only refer people I’ve worked with personally, so I can vouch for their work firsthand.”

This isn’t personal. It’s a principle. You’re not saying they’re not good - you’re saying you don’t refer anyone you haven’t experienced directly.

5. The Vague But Firm

Use when: You have a reason you don’t want to share.

Script: “I have a conflict in that area” or “I’m not able to help with that one.”

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. “I have a conflict” could mean you already refer to a competitor, or you had a bad experience with them, or you have personal reasons. None of which you need to explain.

Tom Marino

Accountant/CPA

Marino & Associates

North Vancouver, BC

Fictional character for illustrative purposes

“I get asked for referrals constantly because my clients trust my judgment,” Tom explains. “My standard response when I need to decline is ‘I have a conflict in that area’ - it’s vague enough that they can’t argue, but professional enough that there’s no offense. Sometimes the conflict is just that I already refer to someone else in that category. But I don’t need to explain that.”

When They Push Back

Some people don’t accept a soft no. They ask again, or they get pushy about why you can’t help.

Broken record technique: Repeat your decline. “Like I said, I don’t have anyone right now.” You don’t need to provide new reasons each time.

Redirect to something you can do: “I can’t refer you to clients, but I’m happy to share your card at the next Chamber meeting.”

Be direct: “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m not able to help with referrals in that space.”

If they get offended by a polite no, that tells you something about how they’d treat a referral you sent them.

Sarah Martinez

Marketing Consultant

Martinez Marketing Group

Vancouver, BC

Fictional character for illustrative purposes

“I had someone at a BNI meeting who would not let it go,” Sarah remembers. “Kept asking me who I knew, kept pushing for introductions. I finally said, ‘I appreciate the persistence, but I’m not comfortable making that introduction.’ Clear. Direct. Not mean. She was annoyed but eventually dropped it. And honestly, her reaction confirmed I was right not to refer her to anyone.”

The “Keep You in Mind” Reality

Let’s talk about “I’ll keep you in mind” - the most common referral decline.

Sometimes it’s genuine. You really will keep them in mind, and when you encounter the right opportunity, you’ll reach out.

Sometimes it’s a polite way of saying no forever. And that’s okay. Not every request needs a direct rejection. Sometimes a soft redirect is kinder.

The important thing is: if you say “I’ll keep you in mind,” actually keep a mental note. When the right opportunity comes up, follow through. Your word matters.

"‘I’ll keep you in mind’ is a promise. Either mean it, or find a more honest decline."

Protecting Your Most Valuable Asset

Your reputation takes years to build and moments to destroy. Every referral you give is a statement: “I vouch for this person.”

The business owners who get the most referrals are careful about who they give. They say no when they should. They protect the value of their recommendations.

When your referral actually means something, people pay attention.

Miguel Rodriguez

General Contractor

Rodriguez Construction

Burnaby, BC

Fictional character for illustrative purposes

“Subcontractors ask me for referrals all the time,” Miguel says. “I’ve worked with hundreds of subs over twenty years. I only refer maybe five of them. The ones where I’ve seen the work, know the reliability, trust the quality. When I tell a client ‘use this electrician,’ they know I mean it. Because I don’t say it about everyone.”

The Mindset Shift

Stop thinking of declining referral requests as being unhelpful. Start thinking of it as protecting your network.

You’re not obligated to connect everyone who asks. You’re not being rude by saying no. You’re being selective - which is exactly what makes your referrals valuable.

The people who refer everyone, connect everyone, recommend everyone? Their recommendations mean nothing. There’s no signal in all that noise.

The people who are selective? Their referrals get returned calls.

Network with People Who Understand

At Rhythm of Business, our members understand that referrals aren’t about quantity. They’re about quality. About only referring people you genuinely trust. About protecting your reputation while building others up.

We match you with professionals who share that philosophy. No pressure for quotas. No awkward asks. Just real relationships with people worth referring.

Related Reading

• How to Handle a Bad Referral (When Someone Lets You Down) - What happens when a referral you gave doesn’t work out
• How to Give Referrals That Actually Help - Making the referrals you do give truly valuable
• Asking vs. Earning: The Real Difference in Referral Marketing - Why quality matters more than quantity